When I was a student at Berkeley in the late 90s, I often passed by a man in Sproul Plaza who stood on a crate or a bucket, held up a sign, and yelled nothing but, “Happy! Happy! Happy!” I don’t recall what was on the sign. I do remember thinking, “What is he going to accomplish just by yelling out that word?”

“Happy” is a word that loses much of its meaning when you’re not feeling it. In the midst of sadness or anxiety, the word “happy” carries about as much flavor as “nice” or “fine.” How many words can you think of to describe unpleasant emotions? My guess is that you could fill a page. In contrast, how many words can you come up with to describe happiness? I struggle after about three words: joy, contentment… um, serenity, tranquility, ebullience… uh… giddy?

Meaning is Embodied

This paucity of meaning makes sense. Words have meaning to the extent that they conjure forth in one’s imagination (consciously or somewhat unconsciously) the experience that the word is about. Words and concepts are, in this way, embodied. When you read, “John grabbed the fork,” parts of your brain and body that would be involved in grabbing a fork are subtly activated. You might even grip your hand ever so slightly. If you’re presented with a sentence like, “Pamela pushed the door,” and at the very same time, you are pulling something closer to you, it will take a split second longer for you to comprehend the sentence.

Similarly, if you see the word “sad,” the simple process of comprehending that word, of understanding its meaning, involves memories of sadness, a subtle reliving of one’s experiences of sadness. This is how the word carries meaning. If you are already sad, the word might even pop out at you. It will have deeper meaning and seem to come alive when you read it.

The word “happy” also carries meaning by evoking memories or a slight reliving of happy moments. If, however, you are far from happy, entrenched in feelings of grief or worry, the word may feel empty. If you cannot conjure forth any feeling of happiness, the word “happy” cannot impart its meaning.

Anticipatory Pleasure and Depression

In fact, in a similar fashion, one primary feature of depression is an inability to anticipate the pleasure that a future moment will bring. Known as “anhedonia,” the lack of anticipatory pleasure reflects just how hard it is to imagine happiness while feeling sadness or grief. If you’ve ever spent time with a cheerful friend while you yourself were feeling quite down, you may have noticed that it was difficult to sympathize with your friend’s glee. (Oh hey, there’s another word for happy! Okay, I’m getting better at this.)

Your friend may have seemed far away or disconnected. In order to feel connected or “in tune” with others, we must be able to mirror one another’s emotions, even just a little. Difficulty mirroring emotions of others is also a feature of depression described as reduced interpersonal attunement. We get emotionally “out of sync” with our happier friends, which makes it even harder to crawl out of grief.

Restoring the Happiness in “Happy”

So let’s try an experiment with the word “happy.” Is it possible to spice up this bland dish and remember what “happy” means?

Happy is… Walking out onto a stone courtyard just as the sun is setting and string lights are turning on. A sea of sweet flowers borders a gathering of your good friends and their closest friends, all grinning like kids on Christmas because you’re here. One of your friends approaches and gives you a mug of apple cider (or hot cocoa, or something else you absolutely love) and asks you about your day.

Happy is… Baking chocolate cupcakes with your seven-year old, who reverently receives your kitchen wisdom as though it were handed down from a wizard.

Happy is… Driving on a quiet, gently-winding highway between the mountains and the coast. A white fog glows in the morning light as it drifts across the highway and reveals a fresh landscape of lime green grass and mossy trees. You have nowhere you need to be. A song you’ve loved since you were a child plays on the radio, and you let your mind wander, relaxed, like the song’s melody.

Happy is… Knowing you can trust someone to stand up for you when you’re gone.

Happy is… Talking with someone you just met who deeply enjoys everything you’re saying. Their eyes light up when you speak. It almost feels as though you’ve met before, as though you knew one another in ages past, and you’ve found each other once again.

Happy is… Finishing all your work early in the day and suddenly noticing that the sun has come out and birds and butterflies are enjoying your backyard.

Now you try…